Quaint ramblings and occasional reflections of a journeying Aussie musician...

23 October 2009

Unashamed Navel Gazing part 1

..I feel I should be working harder at enjoying it all...

...Once again, I'm not entirely sure what this means, although it could have something to do with having led such a blessed life, having so many opportunities made available and having experienced so many amazing things, and still having days and moments where this is not right and that's a worry and if this isn't done then I won't get anywhere et al...

...like I'm just sitting here living my wonderful life and allowing silly, day-to-day, transient stuff, the flotsam and jetsam, just come and bump up against me, and letting it get me down, or not so much that, more like allowing these things to hinder me from experiencing life to the fullest...it's really something, how powerful those small daily miseries can be...

...I guess what I'm trying to say is that I seem to be having some trouble with self-motivation.

....In regards to career, the music business is full of the uber-motivated, and many if not all of my heroes fall under that category. I don't think I have trouble with becoming motivated about things, it's the maintenance of it, seeing projects through to completion, or even just sticking with a project, working at following through...

...As for enjoying it all, day to day....I went to a wedding with my girlfriend last weekend and met a lot of her friends who seem to have loads more fun than I do.....also with the show I work on, I seem to come across a lot of people like this, people not content with how amazing it already is, people who put their heart and soul into wringing from life absolutely every last drop of fun and enjoyment to be had...

...I think I'm feeling like this because of the age I'm at now....

...people seem to shy away from the dreaded thirty years old...maybe they're just saying that....It's been nearly five months now and I'm loving it....it's a particularly amazing time in this life, and even if it wasn't, I feel as though just being this age....it's like a new level of self-respect....after the various self-doubts and insecurities of teenagedom, university years and then the first ten years of being a musician (apparently the hardest according to an old lecturer), it feels like some sort of achievement just having reached this age, being able to take stock of that many years of experience and having them inform you on the choices that lie ahead....

....so, maybe it's the trick of just grabbing the bull by the horns and not letting go...

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