...So I got dumped on the phone last night. First time for everything, right? It was on the set break at Oxo, and I'd been trying to ring her all day and talk over what happened the night before, so I finally got through to her and it was categorical, there was no correspondence to be entered into. We said our respective apologies, and I knew there was no point in trying to keep it going, and she was fairly direct.
The night before had been her 21st. She'd told me her ex would be there, her ex of not too long before we'd hooked up, and how he kinda looked like me, and at first I was okay with all this in my tried (well tried)and true manner of being easygoing and accepting with these things. But of course, rocking up to the party after a couple of reds and consuming vast quantities more of same seemed to change my sensibilities somewhat.
She was doing her social butterfly thing and that was okay, but it seemed whenever I looked over that she was hanging with this guy. It got to the end of the night and I wondered where she was, and there I run into them on the stairwell. So I slink back into a couch and hold my head for a bit and next thing I'm outside and she's apologising tremendously but I must have appeared not to have been listening, mumbling rubbish about not being mucked around ever again. So I left, in a cab, by myself.
She told me I was a great Guy and all but she'd finally realised that she didn't want to be in a relationship with anybody right now. And it was done. Back on for the second set, so Caroline picked a bunch of tunes for the Dumped set ('Mean To Me', 'What A Difference A Day Makes' et al), and we had a laugh and such.
After a warm September, the Autumn is finally here, and while it remains my favourite season of all, it's still that stepping out the front door at the start of the day and realising you're wearing too much, or not enough, and a breeze picks up and the weather gets up and inside you, you get caught out. I seem to feel it the worst on my upper arms, biceps, in between elbow and shoulder. I made sure I was wearing plenty of clothes today, that I would keep nice and warm and that I kept myself well fed and watered, as I was reminded of an eve not too long ago, wandering around Leicester Square by myself, in a big blue coat to keep me warm, dropping into bars to sit for a while, watching the lights, wandering, not knowing really where to go or what to do. No tears, no joy, just alone, but okay, I guess.
You just wear it. And the whole thing is kinda good in a way. After the three year epic with whatsername, there went a long enough time before any involvement with anyone. Then there was one, for a while, now this other one. It was the whole thing of getting back on the horse, so in a way it kind of feels like mission completed. And they were both gorgeous and we had fun, and I'm still here and alive and running my own show all right.
And now, friends, marks a new chapter in the love life of your correspondent. I'm feeling like I'm gonna go solo for a while, just see how that goes. For the first time ever I just want to do my own thing, not feel as though I desperately need someone to make my life complete. Dunno how long that's gonna last, but it's okay for now....